"MENTAL KU MAKIN MENJADI-JADI" - Tajuk Movie of the Year from Putar Belit Productions

THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT ME!

Kisah yg akan ku tulis ini ADA kena mengena dengan yg hidup dan takde kena mengena dengan yg dah mati.

Ini adalah kisah benar. 

Tetapi ianya adalah movie yg hanya ditayangkan to the close family (disaksikan dengan mataku sendiri), relatives (near and far) and also the neighbourhood and maybe included some kampung yg jauh sikit dari kampung mereka!

2008 almost ending.

Nak dijadikan cerita, keluar satu movie pasal wedding by Putar Belit Productions.

The movie was great!

I rated them 5 STAR!

But before i go on with the synopsis of the movie MENTAL KU MAKIN MENJADI-JADI, let's see siapa yg dibelakang tabir movie tersebut!

The MAIN actress is Dibab (bukan nama sebenar)

Supporting actress - Jenah (also not the real name), ibu Dibab

The director is Dibab and Jenah 

The producer - Dibab

The executive producer - Jenah

Soundman - Dibab

Refreshments sponsored by - Dibab

Costume - Dibab

Lighting - Dibab (although she's always in the dark!)

Casting - DIBAB & JENAH

Also involved (extras) - some close relatives, friends, org jual jajan, org merewang (ini bukan rewang yg jalan tak tentu pasal tu, ini rewang yg tolong2 memasak bila ada kenduri besar2), ahli majlis jawatankuasa tingkap (that's me!) dan satu kampung!

It all started about 2 months ago. Kitorang pegi open house rumah Along. Along has been doing some beading sewing lately. Maksu showed us the baju nikah for Dibab, pink color, which is sent to Along utk jahit manik. Wow - BAJU NIKAH? 

You must be wondering why i made this wedding story so important. Because it is! 

Not because of the wedding, but because it's hard to believe that Dibab is REALLY getting married. 

Why? 

Because she is ugly, 

huge in size (like a bulldozer), 

talk rough, 

act manly and 

stealing is her main game :)

And it's all the truth nothing but the truth.

So back to the wedding story, the baju has been sewn, the invitation has been sent to SELECTED relatives only (this is during HARI RAYA PUASA season ya)

Almost all of them have been invited except our FAMILY!

OUR family has been wondering, why we weren't invited?

My mummy is Dibab's father's sister too.

But my mummy had stayed cool. We heard the story from Along, Maksu, Ana about the bride and the groom-to-be! They said the groom is quite good looking compared to Dibab. My family started imagining Beauty and The Beast (reverse them - Beauty is the Groom and Beast the Bride!) hahahaha... Mesti korang pun tengah imagine camner rupa bride tu kan? Seriously she looks like the Beast!

Then, lepas 1 bulan dan 3 minggu kemudian dari tarikh jamuan open house rumah along, datang lar si Dibab bersama-sama bapak nyer yg tercinta dan Jenah ke rumah Mummy ku untuk menjemput kami sekeluarga ke majlis perkahwinan satu-satunya anak perempuan mereka yg terlebih manja tu (oh.. pandai ko Dibab ya, ko dtg rumah mak aku, ko suruh bapak ko berhati-hati jgn letak merata-rata handphone bapak ko ya! Ko ingat kitorang ni pencurik ke? Chait!) 

Yg syioknyer, mereka dtg menjemput takde kad kahwin langsung. Takpe ar, lagi bagus jemput takde kad, boleh selamatkan pokok-pokok dan boleh selamatkan lapisan ozon bumi kita (ini adalah satu pesanan masyarakat - lebih baik jemput pakai sms or email or Facebook jer!)

So ok, the nikah date dah set on 13 December 2008 (saturday lepas zohor) and the wedding reception is the following day, Sunday 14 December 2008.

By the time they invited us, we still COULDN'T believe that Dibab is getting married! It's just so hard to believe if you've seen her. Even my hubby couldn't believe it ;)

Hari dan minggu pun berlalu dengan pantasnye. Sedar2 dah sampai minggu perkahwinan si Dibab. Asu, my sister, pun dah plan to sleep over at my house during the weekend. Acik & Lydia from Penang is also coming down to KL to attend the wedding.

TUP-TUP mummy got call kata Nikah date changed to Friday 12 December 2008 lepas Isya' plak. Hmmm... kami sumer dah rasa musykil dah bila diorang kata date nikah ditukar. What i know is once you have set the Nikah date with the Tok Kadi, maknanya dah set lar. Mana boleh tukar-tukar. But takpe, maybe Tok Kadi ada hal lain kot!!!

Dtg hari Friday, mummy called again, saying tak jadik Nikah that night. Dipostpone plak back to hari Sabtu 13 December 2008, lepas Isya'. Hmmm... lagi sekali kami mengumpat - jangan si Dibab tu menikah hari Isnin sudah lar... tau-tau majlis jalan dulu sebelum nikah!

Takpe lar.... we just wait and see!

I've made plans with Asu to go Sg. Wang and The Curve on Saturday, just to do some shopping. We planned to go just for the wedding reception on Sunday afternoon. 

Came SATURDAY (the day Dibab supposed to Nikah lepas Isya), Asu suddenly got a call from Mummy (she went to Dibab's house early in the morning), telling us, please come today to Dibab's house. There will be no NIKAH or KENDURI KAHWIN (on sunday) cos there's no GROOM!

WTF?

Our face turned sour (not because Dibab tak jadik kahwin tapi sebab plan kami nk shopping terbengkalai)......

waduh... we called mummy to know the full story, but she can't talk and insisted we go that night (malam nikah).

We all went, Asu & the 2 kids + Lita & Lil Guwapo and me. Sampai-sampai, tanpa berlengah lagi, kami pun dapatkan berita ekslusif.

Rupa-rupanya.... jeng2...

PERKAHWINAN DIBAB adalah LAKONAN SEMATA-MATA!

Dibab lar yg menulis skrip untuk jemputan kahwin, pakaian nikah dan acara potong kek (konon nk lalu bawah pedang sebab "laki" nyer org navy), duit hantaran RM8K, pelamin, khemah, makanan yg akan dihidangkan, bunga telur, candies and alllllll the necessary things needed for a wedding!

Paling sayu bagi telinga ku nk mendengar masa aku dpt tahu yg the dearly FATHER doesn't know anything. Betul-betul tak masuk akal.

Yg paling besh to me is bila tiba part org2 merewang nk siap memasak utk majlis pernikahan. Satu barang haprak pun tadak!

KE-SI-AN (sebut ala-ala assistant P.Ramlee dlm crita Madu Tiga).

Alahai... nasik dah jadik bubur ayam McD! Ramai dah dijemput. Khemah ada 10. Itupun nk ditambah lagi 4 khemah. Pelamin dah jadik tempat kucing-kucing melepak (kawasan perumahan Flat so just imagine the pelamin is next to the 10 khemah kt atas jalanraya).

Acaranyer tetap berjalan lancar. Malam sabtu lepas isya', ada acara makan-makan sambil umpat-mengumpat.

The next day, Sunday, we went again (kami pi pun sebab Kesian kt bapak Dibab tu). Selepas bangun awal pagi sebab nk gi sungei wang shopping, tiba time kul 2pm, kami pun sampai kt majlis kenduri kahwin yg tak jadik tu. This time Lita's place has been replaced with Lydia (lita cuti).

Sampai jer, tengok ada 2 (DUA) buffet line (dahsyat wor). Lauk, sedap belaka - ayam masak kicap, gulai daging, jelatah, ulam-ulam, sambal belacan, air sirap.

Lepas kami duduk makan-makan FREE, kami pun naik atas (rumah nyer kt tingkat 1). Ramai ada. Mostly sedara-mara. Pengantin pompuan pun ada, tapi dok berkurung dalam bilik gelap dan masih belum mandi, tsk tsk tsk.

WTF again...

kalau nk cerita, masih panjang ni... korang mesti boring nk membaca. 

Takpe, i give you the kronologi kisah perkahwinan DIBAB (not in alphabetical order ya & berdasarkan SKRIP DIBAB)

1. Acara merisik - lelaki nyer side tak datang... tapi kenapa masih diteruskan?
2. "Laki" nyer accident, masuk I.C.U kt spital Selayang. Yg beshnyer, org-org kampung pi carik kat spital tapi takde.... nk cover punya pasal, terpaksa lar bapak nyer Dibab kata "eh... masuk spital PPUM lar!" ish ish ish
3. Rupa-rupanya TOK KADI tak dapat borang nikah pun. Tapi mengikut kata-kata bapa Dibab (bapa Dibab buta huruf), beliau ada sign borang.... mungkin borang CONTEST POWER ROOT?
4. "Perabut" dah dibeli sejak setahun yg lepas. Bayar CASH. Tapi last minit bangla tak dpt hantar sebab lori takde and hari hujan. ???**#PL(!)$_+@( 
5. "Ayam" diorder dari Shah Alam. WTF again! Naper tak order kt area situ jer? Again last minit tak dpt hantar sebab jauh. 
   
6. "Muffin" (not sure for hantaran or org ramai), takde gak... 
7. "Bekas Cincin" - RM40 satu. Beli DUA plak tu. Fuyoooo...
8. "Khemah" ada 10. Ingin ditambah 4, takut tak cukup.
9. Acara memotong kek - plannya konon lalu bawah pedang. Last-last baju yg nk dipakai masa potong kek tu dok gantung je kt pintu bilik. Ha, Dibab, ko lalu jer la bawah baju tu!

Actually banyak lagi kisah-kisah penipuan Dibab yg tak dapat aku gambarkan di dalam blog ku ini. Cukup lar setakat apa yg aku tau jer. Nnti aku tambah-tambah cerita, tak seronok plak jadik nyer.

Paling ku kesian - BAPAK DIBAB. Dah la anak penipu, pemalas, tak jadi kahwin. Bini nyer pun bersubahat ngan anak nyer memperbodoh-bodohkan semua situasi. Yg paling ku kesian, bertambah-tambah HUTANG!

What else can i say? KE-SI-ANNNNN....

p/s - I actually recorded the whole situation with my Nokia E66 especially the part where Dibab kena "histeria" and had a fight with her aunties. I'm still trying to convert the sound. Once finished MAYBE i'll upload here.